My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
