yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
