Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize