I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
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