i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
