She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
