I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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