The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
