My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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