I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
