last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize