I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
