I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
