Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
