Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
