woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
