So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
