So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize