Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
