His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
