Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
