I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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