Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
