I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
