problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
