No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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