All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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