You can't motorboat a personality
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
we're making bets on your personal life
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
