I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
