Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
