If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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