margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
