apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
