There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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