Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
