All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize