I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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