remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
