Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
