Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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