would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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