Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
