very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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