I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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