i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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