On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
