There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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