no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
