all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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