i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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