According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize
