I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
