I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
