BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
