I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize