just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
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