Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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