I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
