There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
