you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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