two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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