apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
