Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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