Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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