Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize