I will die if light touches me.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
