a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
