i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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