Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
