hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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