I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Randomize
