i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
