Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
