you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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