i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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