when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
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