I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
