I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Randomize
