He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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