I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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