He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
You smell like stripper and shame
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I need water and some morals
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
