Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Randomize
