Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize