Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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