and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
