Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
All the doctor said was why
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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