So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
