I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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