Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
