Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
